church

I have not lived in Hattiesburg that long. I moved here during the summer and I have not found a church to go to yet. I am Penecostal and I can not find the right church. I loved the church I used to go to back home, but I have not been able to find one quite like it here. The churches are too drastic or too big here. I think I might need to look outside Hattiesburg for one. I need to be in church, but I do not want to go to a corupt one. My boyfreind refuses to go to church with me and I guess I will be going by myself. That is why I want to find one that I am confortable with and feel safe at. I do comit a lot of sins and I know that going to church is not going to save me and keep me from going to hell. It just helps me as a person to go and realize the things I do wrong and what I need to be doing. I do things everyday that are wrong and I do not even realize it. I know that talking about religion is a controversial thing, but it is important to me. I wonder sometimes that if I would do the right thing if I would feel better as a person? I am sure that I would, but it is so hard to be a good persn everyday when we are around things that are unavoidable. I see how the older generations are more content with their lives and I wonder that people now days would turn to religion our lives would feel more meaningful and content.

decisions

I know that I am young and I do not know a lot about life, but I am confused. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and thing have always been wishy washy at times. We moved in together this year. He is three years older than me, but he definitley doesn't act his age. Since we have moved in together things have got a lot worse. I know people have to learn to live with others, but I thought I knew him better that I really did. He does a lot of things that I do not approvee of, but I have finally gave up the fight and now I ignore those things. I do not want to be that kind of person. He tells me how much he loves me, but he does not try to work on anything and make things better. I am the one who tries to make things better and it doesn't work without his part too. I do love him, but I am not happy anymore and he doesn't care to listen or talk about it. Also, another problem is that we do not see eye to eye on a lot of things. He expects me to date him for 8 or 9 years before we get married. I am not willing to do that. You can not put a time line on things like that. I think that this is my fault because we are practically married without the papers and now he sees no reason to get married. My grandmother has always told me,"Why buy the cow when the milk is free?". I always thought that she was old fashioned and crazy, but know that makes sense. Is it my fault that we are having these problems? Is it everyone's fault for realtionships failing because we do things backwards? I do not know the answers to these questions, but it does make you wonder that if we did things like the older generations did, would we have less failed realtionships and marriages?

My house

I know that I do live with my boyfriend, but I did not sign up to live with him and his cousin. His cousin moved into the extra bedroom to cut back on rent, which was a good thing. Until I have been living with them for 4 months. They destroy the house everyday and I have to clean it up. Everybody always tells me not to clean it up and they will. Okay... I have tried that on several occassions and it has not worked yet. I am OCD about having the house clean and everything put in its place. I go to school in the morning and then to work in the afternoon. I usually do not get off till about 10 or 11. When I get home they are drunk and passed out in the middle of the mess they have made in the house. I have to clean it all up and then go do homework. I finally get to go to sleep and wake up in the morning and do it all over again. I wouldn't mind if it was a little cleaning, but it is hours worth of cleaning everyday. I am exhausted and getting very tired of it. But, if I say anything then I am being bossy and a control freak. I am seriously reconsidering living here next year. I am about to burn out and I can not handle those two much longer. I want to have nice things in my house, but I do not want them tearing it up. I have a $300 rug I got for my birthday last year and they have already spilt beer and anything else you can think of on it. There is no way I am going to buy nice furniture for them to ruin.

thanksgiving

I was excited about Thanksgiving until the week finally came. I was thankful for getting out of school for a few days, but then I found out that I had to work the whole break. My dad and his family went to Colorado for nine days and of course I couldn't go because of work and school. The only day I got off from work was Thanksgiving day because Outback is closed. It was so hard for me to visit my family in one day. I wanted to spend more time with my mom and little brothers, but there was nothing I could do. I miss my family, but I have to work so much I don't get to see them as much as I would like to. The same thing is probably going to happen Christmas time. I had to eat with my grandmother that morning and then with my mom at lunch. Then that night I had to eat with my boyfriend's family, which I can't stand to be around. I was so full by that night that I was miserable. I did not have to leave until 3 Friday afternoon because I did not have to be at work until 5:30. So, I got to spend a little extra time with my mom, but not enough considering how much I get to come home. My parents are always amd at me because I never get to see them. Maybe Christmas break will give me some extra time to see them.

classes

I am so frustrated with trying to register for classes for next semester. It is ridiculous that almost every class I want is taken. I went straight to soar to set up my classes after I left my advisor. The classes were already full. This same problem happened this summer. It is not like I wait to the last minute or anything. I actually do my schedule stuff early and it does not even matter because no matter how early I do it, classes are still going to be gone. I think Southern has too many students and not enough classes. That is the reason I only have 13 hours this semester and I am going to have to make it up during the summer. I have to have 19 hours a semester to graduate on time. That is impossible to do and work an almost full-time job. I am going to have my work cut out for me in the summer. I have 16 hours for next semester, but they are not classes I exactly wanted and not all of them are the times I needed. Oh well..... Maybe I will do better if I register for the next fall semester in February.